when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
