yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize