you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Randomize
