Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
