I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
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I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
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And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
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