Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
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you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
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did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
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