just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
