There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
