I'm eating all of the evidence.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
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I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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