Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
