Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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