literally had 100 drinks last night.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
