YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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