it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Pooping to opera.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
