I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
