Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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