Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Randomize
