The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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