maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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