I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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