so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
we're so committed to being not committed
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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