We tried having a conversation with our noses.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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