so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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