Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
