His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
