if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
