he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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