i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
