Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
