I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
