I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
