Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize