Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
