the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
