Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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