Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
