1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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