Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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