What did we do last night that was yellow?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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