I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
