I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
This toilet bowl is my home.
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