my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
