I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
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I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
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Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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