Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
