tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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