i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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