frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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