id be glad to
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
