I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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