i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
