ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
