Christians are straight up FREAKS
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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