All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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