Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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