Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
