I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize