Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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