We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
