I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I have already put on my inside pants.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
