I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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