I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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