I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
