The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
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You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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