Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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