Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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