He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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