wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
