you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
