I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
