i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
