Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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