ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
