i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
