I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
ttyl tear gas
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
