She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
