There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
