get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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