i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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