Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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