I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
