This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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