i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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