That's when you crack a 10am beer
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
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