oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Randomize
