I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
