did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Randomize
