so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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