you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
